I really, really hope this new medication, called Amantadine, works for me. Because as the Modafinil cleared out of my system I felt worse and then much worse. Some of it, I think, was a very limited "withdrawl" reaction....not totally unexpected, though hardly pleasant. When I sat down to write this blog entry to try to describe how I feel the line that came to my head was from the Steely Dan song Jack of Speed "Skatin' backwards at the speed of light" - getting a lot worse, fast.

I guess I got really used to feeling well and being able to do almost what anybody else would be able to do....

Now, I'm thinking "Crap. Did I really feel this bad before?" Yes, I did, but it came on gradually over time, so I sort of adjusted to it. This time, I got no adjustment period. Just a huge crash. I am so glad I didn't go back to work. I'd be screwed.

I talked to E. about the "doctor to doctor" idea. She said she would look into it, but, in the meantime it was better for me to try the Amantadine, because it could take me a really long time to get back to baseline with no meds at all while we all fought the insurance company.

So. Here I am. Tomorrow is another day - maybe I'll feel better then.

* Teddy's rolling now most every night
Skatin' backwards at the speed of light
He's changed in a thousand little ways
He's changed yes indeed
You know he's movin' on metal yes he's
Hanging tight with the Jack of Speed

Sheena's party there's a case in point
That right wing hooey sure stunk up the joint
He's gone he walks through the old routines
But he's gone guaranteed
He may be sittin' in the kitchen, but he's
Steppin' out with the Jack of Speed

You maybe got lucky for a few good years
But there's no way back from there to here
He's a one way rider
On the shriek express
And his new best friend is at the throttle more or less

He can't hear you honey - that's alright
Pack some things and head up into the light
Don't stop - he'll be callin' out your name
But don't stop when you hear him plead
You better move now little darlin' or you'll be
Trading fours with the Jack of Speed
- Steely Dan Two Against Nature