Warning: this is both a rant and a rave. This is the literary equivelant of road rage. There is no doubt going to be poor grammar and even worse spelling ahead, because I'm afraid I am heated up.

This was my work day. I was 10 minutes late because I got stuck in traffic. I was terribly wrought up about it, down on myself ( "See? They were right at your last job-in-a-box. You are unreliable.") I walked into my department. Ma was there. The Great White Liar was there. No one else was there. No one else showed up until 8:30....at which point the Great White Liar still did not wake up from his nappy. He did not come around until about 9:00. I don't mean he was resting with his head down on the desk. I mean that he was sound asleep, and I had to wake him up to ask him what he wanted me to do next now that I had finished Big Sister's work....

After that they made a few phone calls, and he went back to sleep until break time which happened about 10:00. They took break til about 10:30. Then Big Sister came over to my desk to see how much progress I was making doing the job she gets paid to do. Apparently, I work a little faster than she does and she was surprised. At least she said thank you.

I was grateful because The Great White Liar was at least quiet, but he came to life about 3:30. "I'm gonna whip it out!" he announced to anyone who might care, "Anybody wanna see it? Shwing! Shwing!" After awhile they were all ( except Ma) sitting around on the floor like kids at a slumber party. While I sat there researching phone numbers, calling information, and putting up with customer's complaints about the copiers I was calling on. The Great White Liar entertained us all by mimicing the voice of an older woman they apparently were able to run out of the department, probably into another job. "You know, I just can't take this, you makin' fun of me all day. Let me just tell you...." Jill, her name was.

All of this is annoying. It really really is. This is a bullshit job to begin with, but it's the bullshit job they knowingly took, full time, with benefits. There is no reason for me to be there doing their work for them. The work of the ENTIRE department, such as it is. The Great White Liar is annoying with his songs and jokes, the Sisters are annoying because they encourage him and are every bit as crude as he is. ( When he grabs his crotch, one grabs and lifts her breasts)
But, it's just annoying. Because, believe me, many, many, many workplaces are like this. These are all adult people carrying on this way - if this is how they want to spend their life, it's their life to spend. It's distracting, it's gross, it grates on my nerves, but it doesn't offend me to the point that I have to get away from it.

This is what offends me: Them slapping each other. I can't stand it. He pretends to be cross and mean "Bitch!" the next thing I hear is the smack of flesh on flesh and a little scream, then giggles and laughter. Then one of them is over there at his desk slapping at him and he's holding her by her arms and she's wimpering and giggling. Then one of them is down on the floor and he's trying to pull her up, his hands up under her shirt. "We's just playin" they say, as if to reassure me. But what if the "Sisters" really aren't comfortable? What if they don't know what else to do besides try to laugh it off, or "out crude" him? I sit there and look at all of this going on around me, like I'm frozen. Where I come from men don't "play" with women that way. I've seen people at work act that way before. I always have the same reaction. It looks like someone getting hurt, or could get hurt, or what if he suddenly comes over to me and decides I look like a fair target one day? Then my entire goal of the day becomes trying to Act Normal, not hunch over in my chair and seem scared, which, it seems to me, would be like asking him to come over and grab me.

Now, I could complain. There's a sign up on the board that says I have the right to work in a non-hostile work environment, and I have the right to complain that I feel that the work environment is hostile even if the "harassment" isn't directed at me. Well. Let's go back to when I was 5 and learned from Goody-Two-Shoes on Sesame Street: to think things through ( "I wonder what would happen if I threw the ball in the house...I'd knock over the vase....get sent to my room, etc) I wonder what would happen if I complained to the temp agency? Well, they could pull me from the assignment, which would mean I would lose the income. Or they could tell the management of the company that I had complained and then they would, I suppose, speak to The Great White Liar....or maybe they wouldn't. If they did, I bet my life would be even greater hell then "Jill's" was for the remainder of the assignement. And then, either, way how likely would it be for me to get another assignement from the temp agency? Of course, the agency would Take The Right Tone and Do the Right Thing....but where, really, could I be placed if I'm that "sensative" that a little bit of horseplay is enough to cause me to ask for another placement?

If I were to complain the penalty to me, in loss of wages, respect, future work assignments, would be a far far greater loss than anything that might happen to the company or any "fun loving" employees. "

I'm so tired of sitting there with a strained smile. I'm so tired of minimizing how stressful I find all of this. THIS is why All Around the House, Unlimited and my little Avon business are going to have to work, because I can't do this other crap anymore. THIS is why I don't just take any job so we have health insurance - because I'll only use it on freaking therepy, which I wouldn't need if PEOPLE COULD JUST MANAGE TO KEEP THEIR G--D--- HANDS TO THEMSELVES WHILE THEY WERE DOING A FREAKING PAID JOB!! It isn't like there's no written code of conduct here. Why is it up to me to complain? Why can't these companies enforce the policies they've written? Why do I have to stand up and stand out as a minority just to work without being afraid about what's coming up next? A thrown marker? A fist? I don't give a crap if these people don't do any work, or whatever. But didn't they have to stay in their seats in school? Didn't they learn that somewhere else?

I'm in jeporday either way. Either I risk getting smacked, hit by a lose marker, stapler, or whatever, and/or having a major freak out because all this commotion reminds me of Bad Things that have happened to me before.....or, if I can't take it, I risk losing my present income and future assignements, which I SO cannot afford. I know, I know, just stay steady on the job, look at the wall, look out the window, don't make eye contact, don't draw attention to yourself....I feel like I've done it my whole life, from Burnt Up Heart until now. I'm just so sick of it!!