It's mid-September in Maryland, the least wonderful time of the year for an allergy sufferer such as myself. Not only is there a bumper crop of golden rod this year ( which now some people put in boquets! Why?! ) but the recent rain has begun the leaf mold season. And, unlike in Massachussetts, we may not get a frost until November.

No-freaking-vember.

I can't stand it. I'm going to die. I'm sure of it. Friend Will assures me that every time I sneeze, my soul shoots out of my body (presumably through my nose. No wonder I am, at heart a pessamist, if the core of my being has to keep making trips in and out of my sinuses!) and someone has to say "God Bless You" in order to stuff it back in. If this is correct my soul has shot out my nostrils aproximately 14 million times in the past 4 days.

I suppose it's because I am allergic to multiple things at the same time - hell, I'm allergic to everything, really - but perscription allergy medicines don't do me any good. I suppose that's a blessing on account of the fact that I coudn't afford them anyway. I was taking Actifed for awhile, and getting some relief, but the only thing that really works is Benedryl.

Benedryl only makes me sleepy during the day. If I take it at night, for some reason, I am then wound up like an 8 day clock. Not only that, it causes my muscles to spasm. It does that when I'm groggy during the day too. Consequently, I spend the entire allergy season in Maryland as a dopey, sleepy, twitchy and ultimately cranky person. I use up all my energy sneezing, hoping in vain not to have to take any medicine after I get up in the morning and get my eyelids unglued from each other. Winston, the dog, will sometimes make a valient effort to lick my face when he can see that I am staggering around with my eyelids swollen up like golf balls. But you can only sneeze directly in somebody's face so many times before they give up on you, and this is true even if the person in question is a dog.

So I have to get up extra early in the morning, count the stairs to the first floor, feel may way past the fish tank into the bathroom where I apply a warm washcloth to my face. Presently, my eyes open enough for me to see myself in the mirror: it's NOT pretty, people. I mean, this would even be too scary for reality t.v., I think. Then I douse cotton balls with witch hazel and lay down on the sofa with them on my eyes for a few minutes. After I eat breakfast, I stick the tea bag on them - about a minute on each eye, and, if I'm lucky the swelling has gone down to the point where I can get my contact lenses in.

Then I start sneezing. And I don't stop until the benedryl kicks in. And then I'm a zombie. When I had a normal job-in-a-box, this was inconvenient and annoying but not a life or death kind of thing. Well, it might have been the day I was driving to work and my contact lens popped out of my eye on Rt 3 in New Hampshire, but I digress....

Now, today I had the opportunity to bid on a window washing job at a local business. This could be the break I've hoped for! But did I care? No. All I cared about was that I had kleenex. By the time the appointment was set up I had already taken a benedryl. At least I wasn't nervous. This is as calm as I've ever been on a consultation.

But I don't think it helped. Because I was so zombie-fied that I couldn't even COUNT the windows. I had to keep asking the receptionist how many we had just passed. She must have been thinking "This unfortunate woman. How aweful it must be to be a cleaning lady because you're too dumb to do anything else." She kept answering me very patiently. Finally, I was able to ascertain that there were 10 windows ( I think) and I managed to write up an estimate.

I hope I spelled my name right on it.