I'm sorry, but I do. If you are a doctor, I'm sorry. I don't hate you personally....but I'd probably hate you professionally if I ever met you professionally.

I have pink eye. I think. You'd think pink eye, also known as conjuctivitis, should be pretty darn easy to diagnose. I could have picked it up any place - it thrives in moist environments and is very contageous so I probably picked it up while cleaning someone's bathroom ( hmm. note to self. Add Lysol to work basket....except for I'm allergic to spray lysol. sigh.)

At first, I didn't know that's what I had. I thought, yesterday, that I had just gotten something in my eye....a cat hair or something. But I could hardly drive because my eyes were very sensative to light. And by the time I got done babysitting my neice and nephew last night it was all I could do to come home, put some ice in a bag over my eye and take my contact lenses out. The Hub also has a sore throat, probably from breathing in too much sawdust on his job....but will he wear a mask? OF COURSE NOT! But that's another rant and rave for another time. So he was getting all geared up for a round of what I call "The Suffering Olympics" - you know, who feels worse, can you top this? - which I really try to not participate in. And I didn't. I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I thought my eye would be better, but it wasn't. The headache was twice as bad....but just around my right eye. Moreover, my right hand and arm were half numb and tingling. This happens sometimes....but it's been years since it has happened. The Hub and the dog were stomping around the kitchen so I went out on the front porch to try to think.

Okay I thought, You just had your blood preasure taken and it was perfect. You don't have any risk factors for stroke. You're under 40. You can move everything and talk and you're not confused. Okay. You're no more confused than normal and the only reason why you just put the breakfast cereal in the fridge was because of The Hub moaning about his sore throat. So chances are that you've got pink eye and you slept on your arm really wrong and that's why it's bothering you. Let's go on that assumption.

I stopped by my mother's house and she asked what was wrong. I told her.

"Tea" she said seriously, "Look at me. Raise your arms above your head. Both of them."

I did.

"Smile" she said. I did.

"Say a simple sentence. A noun and verb."

"Um. Winston is a big dog." I replied, mystified.

"Okay, you're not having a stroke. I got this e-mail that says that ordinary people can tell if someone is having a stroke by asking them to do these 3 simple things....and if the person can't it's a good way to tell that something is really wrong. But, do you want me to drive you to the clinic anyway? Your eye looks really bad."

"Oh, Mom, I've got an interview & I have all this work lined up! I've got to get out of here!"

I got the pet sitting job I interviewed for. Yes! Talk about a sweet job - somebody's going to PAY me to come feed and play with their 7 month old puppy while they're gone. The dog is a beautiful, intellegent chocolate lab.

I went and did The Bathroom Lady's bathroom. But I couldn't hold on to my cleaning supplies, and when I went to write the invoice my right hand shook so badly it was all I could do to scratch it out.

I called my next client and explained that I wasn't feeling well. She was understanding, and I went back to my mother's and asked her to drive me to the Prompt Care.

Now, I still didn't think I was having a cerebral event.....but my entire medical knowlege is what I read in Women's Day magazine. And this whole thing sounded like "Don't Ignore These Symptoms." I wanted to be responsible, and prudent. I didn't want to incurr the unessasary expense of going to the E.R. and I didn't want to clog up the E.R. because I was just concerned about why my arm seemed to be getting worse and my eye/headache not better.

But, if I wasn't having a stroke when I got to the Prompt Care it's only by the grace of God I didn't have one by the time I left! I walked in and explained my situation only to have the woman behind the desk tell me 6 different times that I had to pay for the visit right away. Loudly. As if I were some deadbeat that she'd already been trying to collect from for weeks. And this is not true. I'm some deadbeat that other people have been trying to collect from for weeks.

Then I saw the doctor. "You should have gone to the E.R. There's no way for me to tell what's going on with you without a CAT scan."

"I'm not having a CAT scan. I can't afford it. I don't have insurance."

"But, I don't know your medical history, so -"

"I've been here before. I filled one out twice."

"What I mean is that there is no objective way to know what's going on inside your head without a CAT scan."

"Well, what's your professional opinion? I mean, I'm thinking I have pink eye, which, if I do, I'd really like to get treated because I don't want to pass it on to my clients. I understand that it's contageous. And I'm thinking that I slept on my arm wrong...but you're saying my leg also seems weak to you. I've told you that I have back trouble, and I don't think I'm having a stroke, but what I'm asking for is for you to tell me if I'm thinking about this correctly, rationally, and prudently."

"Well, I can treat you for pink eye."

"Do I HAVE pink eye?"

"We don't have an objective test for that, but I can give you an antibiotic drop, if you decide not to have a CAT scan."

"I have decided not to have a CAT scan." I know my blood preasure was normal when I went in there....but if she' d taken it at that moment it would have been another thing completely. If I was going to have a stroke I'd have had it then. It was like falling down a rabbit hole. Was she telling me that she needed a CAT scan to diagnose Pink Eye?!?!

"If you had insurance, I'd send you for a CAT scan." she said.

"But I don't have insurance. And I don't think I need a CAT scan. Besides, even if I had insurance and had a CAT scan then I might be taking the place of someone who might have worse risk factors than me who needed the test more at that time....and that would really bother me. I mean, is there anything ELSE besides a stroke that could be causing me to have this weakness on my right side?"

"YOU'RE the one who said you were worried about a cerebral event." she said petulently.

"I'm trying to get some help in evaluating what's wrong with me. I'm asking for your judgement. I don't think it's likely, I'm trying to find out if I'm thinking right. After that, I'm worried about not passing on a contageous illness to my clients."

"We can treat this conservatively. I'll write you a persciption for eye drops."

"I'm not trying to give you a hard time." I said, desperately, "It's just that there are all these articles about not ignoring these kinds of symptoms."

"Yeah, don't ignore them if you have insurance." she said angrily, and, thrusting a perscription into my hands, she left the room without so much as "good-bye."

And that last is an exact, word-for-word quote.

I'm never going to that Prompt Care again. So help me God, here I was trying to do the right thing, to not overburden the E.R. while taking prudent care of my symptoms and this is the way I get treated. The medical profession in this country is F***** up. If I can get a better idea of what's wrong from my mom, whose main qualification is that she has common sense then why in the heck did I pay the Prompt Care $65? How hard is it to tell somebody if they have pink eye? Did the doctor think I was going to sue her for telling me I had pink eye if I didn't? How did people diagnose strokes or other problems before CAT scans? That technology is younger than I am! The person I went to see was a DOCTOR, a professional person, not a technician just trained to read test results. Surely this individual had an opinion! What did she think I was there for if not to hear it? I could have gone to the ER by myself - hell, we passed it on the way to the Prompt Care.

Aaaarrrrghhhhhhh! No wonder I have a headache.