Yesterday I had my 4 month check up with my neurologist. It was a very positive meeting, which was mostly with his extremely intellegent and knowledgable assistant, E. The visual disturbences I experienced are probably migraines, not the start of a much more serious vision problem associated with MS. My balance is still shot all to hell, but she was able to give me a medication which may help with the persistant vertigo.

Most helpfully, she was able to tell me how I can self regulate some of my medications, taking more of one thing at times and less of something else in other circumstances. This is the plan...

with regard to the constant fatique which is a much worse problem than the dizziness. I've been dizzy for years, but even though I now get the best sleep I can ever remember having, I am still way too tired. Left alone, without alarms, etc I'll sleep for 10 hours and still be lethargic at the end of a work day. Trying to get any excersise is like swimming through molassas. And by the end of the day when anybody talks to me I feel like I'm on 7 second satellite delay - just a little behind on what's going on.

E. is willing to fight the insurance company with regard to the Provigil, but I'm already fighting with my mortgage company about insurance, the water department about a disputed bill, and am about to enter the fray with one of The Hub's clients who doesn't want to pay him. (on account of he says he won't be responsible for what he says if he has to speak to her one more time)

So before I start fighting for an expensive medication which may only be approved for a short time, I'm going to try increasing the dosage of my amatadine - that's the "go pill". I cut the dosage in half because it gave me terrible nightmares. At least I think it did. But, it's possible that I was just having terrible nightmares at the time I started the amatadine. After all, I'd just been diagnosed as having a "demylinating disease", been fighting with my health insurance, been looking for a job, been facing the financial stress of having been out on disability.....maybe it was premature to blame the amatadine. E. says that it's possible to take a full dosage one day and half the next, etc....or it's possible that I'll go through a phase of nightmares which will pass as my body gets used to the higher dosage of medication.

Really, I felt so much better and more hopeful after meeting with her. It's funny how, by yourself, even if you try very hard to keep a positive attitude, worry can really seep in. I wonder if I ought to try to find some kind of support group.

Or maybe I should just get another dog. There are English Bulldog puppies in the paper "ready for Christmas" it says. After all, after petting the two golden retreivers Dr. Doglover keeps in his office my blood pressure went down considerably. E. checked it twice - once when I first came in - it was higher than normal for me, and then again after my questions were answered and plans agreed upon.And I'd been petting the dogs. She was checking to make sure that I wasn't walking around with such sky high blood pressure that it would be causing the dizziness and also to make sure that it didn't drop suddenly when I stood up.

There's nothing like a cold nose to make you feel better. And hopeful for the future.