Here comes Mother’s Day, which is always a sort of bittersweet holiday for me as a childless woman. I don’t want to rant and rave about all the stuff society expects of women – those who have children and those who don’t.

Instead, I want to rant and rave about the appalling manners of people around me. Half of the time, when I see certain behaviors, I want to walk over to the person and say “What would your mother say if she saw you doing that?” I’ve come to realize, though, that many people’s mothers wouldn’t care. In fact, many of their mothers may have taught them the poor behavior in the first place, and a third of the people have small children with them.

And I realize that some of this stuff is subjective. But, hey, this is a blog. These are the standards that I hold for myself for public behavior, most of which my mother taught me, and all of which, if I ever had a child to parent I would not only demonstrate but ENFORCE.
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1. Your trash is your responsibility, at all times and in all places. Put it in a trashcan. If you don’t have a trash can carry it around until you find one. It is not appropriate to leave/put it in a grocery cart, leave / put it on a grocery shelf, throw it on the ground, throw it out the window of your car – I don’t care if it IS an apple core and it’s biodegradable. You decided to take whatever it was that created the trash with you: if you didn’t plan for disposal that’s your fault. There is not another human being who gets paid enough to pick up your snotty tissue, your nasty half finished coffee drink, or, God forbid, your child’s dirty diaper.

2. Speaking of the grocery store: unless you are so physically disabled that it is not possible for you to do so (in which case you probably have a companion to help you do the shopping) ALWAYS TAKE YOUR CART BACK or PUT IT IN THE CART CORRAL. I don’t care if it’s pouring down rain, if there is a snowstorm, if your feet hurt, or you are late to be presented to Queen Elizabeth. Yes, there are people who get paid to round up the carts, but if you leave them loose in the parking lot they will hit someone’s car and / or block a usable parking space before someone can round them up. Besides: this is America, so you probably need the exercise.

3. Do not park in the handicapped space unless you really need to. Always remember that no matter how difficult it is for you to get around there may be someone else for whom it is even more difficult. If there aren’t that many spots, search your heart rigorously before deciding you’re entitled to it. At the same time, there are many people in the world with “invisible” disabilities, such as congestive heart failure, or severe asthma. Nobody died and appointed you the judge of the world.

4. If you have a job working behind a counter someplace, speak politely to the people who are in line. Everybody knows you don’t want to work there. Half the people in line don’t want to shop there either. “Politely” means that you make eye contact, tell the person clearly what his/her total is, say please and thank you. If you come from a country where people put the money on the counter rather than into someone’s hand, make a serious effort to get over this – you moved here, this is how we do things. If you don’t speak English or don’t speak English well, that’s okay, you can still smile and say hello. At the same time, if you are in a line with someone behind the counter YOU MUST TREAT THEM LIKE A HUMAN BEING. This means that unless your cell phone conversation involves the salvation of the free world you should tell the person to hold on – or better yet call them back – after you complete your transaction. Because your clerk is a human being you are required to make eye contact, say please and thank you, wait your turn, follow rules/directions (if writing a check or using a credit/debit card) or put money into the clerks hand. This is even true, in fact, it’s especially true, if the clerk has so many piercings he looks like a pin cushion, is an ethnic minority/ doesn’t speak English / looks to you like a terrorist or has not been terribly polite to you. Nasty breeds nasty. Nice breeds nice. How you act is a reflection of who you ARE, not what somebody did to you.

5. There is no way that anything you could be listening to on your I-pod could involve the salvation of the free world. Additionally, unless you have been told otherwise by a professional, assume that you CANNOT sing and if you are attempting to, that is probably the reason why the little kids around you are crying. If you are dancing and you accidentally hit someone the thing to do is apologize. And stop dancing. Or just go look in the mirror. Do you have any idea how stupid you look?

6. Be aware of who is in the space around you. That means that if you are a 6ft 5” man, you ought to look down once in awhile to make sure you have not trodden over any women or children. If you are pushing a grocery cart and there are any other people around you, chances are they are going to try to get by. If you have small children it is 100% your responsibility, and no one , to keep them safe, supervised, and out of the way of others as much as possible. If you are pushing a stroller, please be aware that it may be blocking the path of other people. If there is a door, hold it for the next person. If you accidentally tread on someone, back into them, elbow them, or your child has flung a cheerio into their eye, the thing to do is to apologize, not look around as if someone else did it. At the same time, if you are a victim of an accidental collision with feet/elbows/knees/ cheerios give the offender the benefit of the doubt. They probably didn’t mean to do it, and, even if they did, you kirking out isn’t going to help the situation any.

Okay. There you have it. The benefit of my motherly advice, in a nut shell. Or maybe it’s just my nutty advise as a benefit.

Either way, Happy Mother’s Day. And one last thought, the one I’d most like to have live on in the world. It’s almost always better to be kind than it is to be right.