What’s wrong with the people who stock that vending machine down stairs? Who put all those granola bars in there? Are they out of their mind? Don’t they know that offices staffed by American women run on chocolate, caffeine, and aspirin?

Look, we’ll order the salad every time in front of other people, but don’t mess with our “anonymous transaction” chocolate fix. Trail mix indeed! That machine is going to get a high heel right through the glass!