After all that work last summer, I got my little plaque for passing my two in-service courses.....Which was good timing, because I screwed up a bunch of letters yesterday and made my boss look bad. And people have been fired here for making their boss look bad. It's like a secular cardinal sin. And she's drawing out the agony of "speaking to me about it" I guess waiting til the end of the day when there will be fewer people in the office to witness any scene. It could be worse. She could be the sort of boss who is into making a scene.
But, after all that work, they put the wrong name on the plaque. I mean, it's my name, just not the name I use. It's written out First Name, Middle Initial, Last Name. But I use my First Initial, Middle Name, Last Name, the same way my father does. So, for a minute....
the honcho just looked at the plaque blankly, and then, at least, he called me by the right name. But it seemed like he was looking at it like he could hardly believe it was true.
Maybe I should take it with me when I have to meet with my boss later. Strap it onto my chest like a breast plate, in case she wigs out and starts shooting staples at me.
This job is better than the other jobs I've had recently....but I still feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. I hate office work. I feel like a rat in a maze. Just being physically confined in this beige cube farm makes me about half nuts. There are too many people jammed up in too small of a space, and so every look, every toss of the head gets noticed and an electric undercurrent of fear and intimidation runs through the corridors like a live wire. If this is what success feels like, why does it feel a hundred times worse on a day to day basis than failure? I mean, hell, failure, you get over. This just goes on and on and on. "Okay, you did all right today, but you have to do just as well or better again tomorrow....and sooner or later you're going to screw something up - it's the law of averages - and when you do one 'oh s***' cancels out ten 'attaboy's' Who knows how long it takes to get over doing something so bad your boss won't even talk to you? And why can't I make normal mistakes with normal consequences? Bad judgement calls or losing track of time on my lunch hour? With me it's always big PUBLIC mistakes that everybody in the freaking company winds up knowing about which stem from acting too fast (i.e. picking up an uncorrected copy of a letter instead of the corrected copy and taking it in to my boss as "the letter") Sure, intellectually, everybody can picture it, everybody can see how it can happen, people might even be able to see how it could happen to them. But it happens to me, and only when the letter is already some Super Flaming Hot Potato with irate customers, other department heads and the whole company reputation on the line.
Maybe I'll feel better after lunch.
hang in there, my friend! i'll be sending good thoughts your way this afternoon.
Posted by: donna at February 8, 2007 1:05 PM
Just some advice: If you screwed up, you can help defuse the situation by starting off the conversation with your boss by essentially saying, right at the start of the conversation, "I realize that I made an error, and I'm annoyed with myself for having committed it. How can you help me make sure that this doesn't slip by again?"
You've owned up to the mistake, shown that your disappointment, and have extended the opportunity to improve. If you just sit there and take a toungue-lashing, that's like throwing chum into a school of sharks - you'll get bit.
And, honestly, you worry too much. There are few jobs where one is not under scrutiny of one sort or another, and success does mean maintaining a level of performance. The key to weathering the low points is to be the first to own up to a shortcoming in a mature, and confident, manner - Yes, I f-d up, but I know that and really want to make sure it doesn't happen again, so how can we accomplish that?
Posted by: RobAtSGH at February 8, 2007 1:35 PM
You poor thing. Time for a little drink-y poo.
Posted by: Theresa at February 8, 2007 6:46 PM
rob hit the nail on the head. i tend to give very poor responses, so thank goodness you've got other friends who give the most excellent advice! i do what rob does -- go in to whichever boss has to deal with my mistake, and explain what happened. i try to have at least one if not two solutions to offer, so that he can choose how to respond.
my ex wanted me to be a lawyer but i never pursued it because i don't think fast enough. this was proof!
Posted by: donna at February 9, 2007 9:48 AM
Were you looking for sympathy or a solution?
Posted by: Theresa at February 9, 2007 11:20 AM
Theresa,
Neither, I was just running my mouth. Or, in this case, my hands. I accept both solutions and sympathy in the spirit in which they're intended - and, hell, at this point, even insults don't phaze me much....you should have heard some of what went on in that meeting! (and which I'm still going thru today as we grind through these letters like grist through a mill "slowly, but exceedingly fine") I didn't want to become an editor because I didn't want to stand around and argue weather or not to use a comma or a colin - but it must be my destiny.
Posted by: tea at February 9, 2007 4:44 PM
Donna - precisely. It's not about never making a mistake, or even never making big mistakes. It's a) not making them often enough to be problem to the company, and b) how you behave when you do make them. Being the first to own up to a cock-up goes a long way toward keeping one in good graces, even when the issue at hand my be a serious one.
It's the deflection of blame, finger pointing, or duck-n-cover maneuver that makes management go looking for heads. I'd rather someone admit the mistake and show some recognition of why the error happened, possibly with some ideas on how to fix the problem. Leaving a steaming pile of poo and then buggering off to cower somewhere, though... that gives people entirely too much room to get very angry and go looking for vengeance. React to mistakes the same way as you do to success - with confidence and a view toward the future - and even the boondoggles won't seem nearly as tragic.
Tea - tell me about it. I'm part analyst, part businessperson, and part technical writer. Yes, we have arguments in our group. Yes, I end up proofreading documentation down to the punctuation. Yes, we have some knock-down-dragout yelling matches at times, but it's never on a personal level - just a lot of smart people trying to do the right thing in sometimes conflicting ways. We may be very heated, direct, and blunt but it's always about the job at hand, and limited to that context.
Posted by: RobAtSGH at February 9, 2007 6:09 PM
In that case, I offer sympathy because this is an area where I don't have advice to give. :-/
I'm just glad you finally have a decent job where they appreciate your intelligence. You should see the reactions I get when I tell people that I have a friend who is an underwriter.
Posted by: Theresa at February 10, 2007 10:06 AM
Hey Theresa, At least she's an underwriter and not an undertaker.
Rob said "cock-up" huh huh cock huh huh.
Posted by: Will Burnham at February 10, 2007 2:14 PM
I thought about becomming an undertaker once.
Posted by: tea at February 12, 2007 9:42 AM
No matter how the economy is doing, there is always steady work for an undertaker.
Posted by: Theresa at February 12, 2007 1:36 PM
hang in there, my friend! i'll be sending good thoughts your way this afternoon.
Posted by: donna at February 8, 2007 1:05 PMJust some advice: If you screwed up, you can help defuse the situation by starting off the conversation with your boss by essentially saying, right at the start of the conversation, "I realize that I made an error, and I'm annoyed with myself for having committed it. How can you help me make sure that this doesn't slip by again?"
You've owned up to the mistake, shown that your disappointment, and have extended the opportunity to improve. If you just sit there and take a toungue-lashing, that's like throwing chum into a school of sharks - you'll get bit.
And, honestly, you worry too much. There are few jobs where one is not under scrutiny of one sort or another, and success does mean maintaining a level of performance. The key to weathering the low points is to be the first to own up to a shortcoming in a mature, and confident, manner - Yes, I f-d up, but I know that and really want to make sure it doesn't happen again, so how can we accomplish that?
Posted by: RobAtSGH at February 8, 2007 1:35 PMYou poor thing. Time for a little drink-y poo.
Posted by: Theresa at February 8, 2007 6:46 PMrob hit the nail on the head. i tend to give very poor responses, so thank goodness you've got other friends who give the most excellent advice! i do what rob does -- go in to whichever boss has to deal with my mistake, and explain what happened. i try to have at least one if not two solutions to offer, so that he can choose how to respond.
Posted by: donna at February 9, 2007 9:48 AMmy ex wanted me to be a lawyer but i never pursued it because i don't think fast enough. this was proof!
Were you looking for sympathy or a solution?
Posted by: Theresa at February 9, 2007 11:20 AMTheresa,
Posted by: tea at February 9, 2007 4:44 PMNeither, I was just running my mouth. Or, in this case, my hands. I accept both solutions and sympathy in the spirit in which they're intended - and, hell, at this point, even insults don't phaze me much....you should have heard some of what went on in that meeting! (and which I'm still going thru today as we grind through these letters like grist through a mill "slowly, but exceedingly fine") I didn't want to become an editor because I didn't want to stand around and argue weather or not to use a comma or a colin - but it must be my destiny.
Donna - precisely. It's not about never making a mistake, or even never making big mistakes. It's a) not making them often enough to be problem to the company, and b) how you behave when you do make them. Being the first to own up to a cock-up goes a long way toward keeping one in good graces, even when the issue at hand my be a serious one.
It's the deflection of blame, finger pointing, or duck-n-cover maneuver that makes management go looking for heads. I'd rather someone admit the mistake and show some recognition of why the error happened, possibly with some ideas on how to fix the problem. Leaving a steaming pile of poo and then buggering off to cower somewhere, though... that gives people entirely too much room to get very angry and go looking for vengeance. React to mistakes the same way as you do to success - with confidence and a view toward the future - and even the boondoggles won't seem nearly as tragic.
Tea - tell me about it. I'm part analyst, part businessperson, and part technical writer. Yes, we have arguments in our group. Yes, I end up proofreading documentation down to the punctuation. Yes, we have some knock-down-dragout yelling matches at times, but it's never on a personal level - just a lot of smart people trying to do the right thing in sometimes conflicting ways. We may be very heated, direct, and blunt but it's always about the job at hand, and limited to that context.
Posted by: RobAtSGH at February 9, 2007 6:09 PMIn that case, I offer sympathy because this is an area where I don't have advice to give. :-/
I'm just glad you finally have a decent job where they appreciate your intelligence. You should see the reactions I get when I tell people that I have a friend who is an underwriter.
Posted by: Theresa at February 10, 2007 10:06 AMHey Theresa, At least she's an underwriter and not an undertaker.
Rob said "cock-up" huh huh cock huh huh.
Posted by: Will Burnham at February 10, 2007 2:14 PMI thought about becomming an undertaker once.
Posted by: tea at February 12, 2007 9:42 AMNo matter how the economy is doing, there is always steady work for an undertaker.
Posted by: Theresa at February 12, 2007 1:36 PM