It was the birthday of the Jerk at Work today. There’s always a jerk at work; one in every crowd. Of course, one person’s jerk is another person’s fun guy. I bet I’m somebody else’s jerk at work, though I try not to be. It’s just human nature. You’re not going to get along with everybody.

Still, irrationally, I feel it was his fault that I ate the piece of cake instead of just taking it back to my desk and throwing it away later. It’s amazing, isn’t it, how if you don’t like someone, you can blame him for almost anything?

Of course, I try not to let on too much that I find JAW annoying...

I think he can tell that I don’t want to have the same relationship with him as other people on the team have, but it’s mostly like he can’t figure me out. I’m blessed that he’s either too busy or doesn’t give a darn enough to try. Also, he sits far from me.

Everyone was at great pains to tell me, when I started, that JAW is NOT really a jerk. I was told that he “comes across badly” and “he has a very dry sense of humor, which not everyone knows how to take” that “when he says these offensive things, he’s just kidding.” And “he really has a heart of gold”. Naturally, you’re going to be wary of anybody who requires that much press. Moreover, I don’t think that explanations for people’s general public behavior are necessary. I think most people are exactly how they act like they are. A guy who constantly jokes that women are stupid, flighty, untruthful, and useless doesn’t just seem to be saying that women are these things – he IS saying these things. I don’t mean one comically timed comment here or there: I mean as a theme of conversation, a pattern of behavior.

But, I figured, I would just meet this guy like I met everybody else and decide what I thought about him based on how he treated me. And he went on to treat me horribly. So I did what I do with everybody who treats me badly: ignore his behavior. He seems very puzzled by that. He seems quite used to pissing people off, but not used to just not having any affect whatsoever on a person. But that’s okay, he’ll get over it. I’m too busy to worry about it.

What? You want to know what he did to make me dislike him? Okay.

When I first came over to the department, everyone but him said hello, welcomed me, etc. He didn’t. Okay, he was busy, that’s cool. Then there was a lunch meeting and during that time I spoke right to him, directly, pleasantly, and loud enough for him to hear me (he was sitting right next to me) He ignored me. And continued to ignore me throughout the whole meeting, even when I addressed him by name. Other people noticed, of course, and they looked from him to me to see what I was going to do. He seemed like he was on a smirky roll.

Maybe he didn’t like me. Not everybody does. If ya don’t happen to like me, pass me by. I turned and engaged the person on the other side of me, who happened to be the boss, in conversation, and though he said more and more outrageous things (which everyone, after the meeting, was at great pains to assure me he didn’t mean. It was basically Christian bashing) I just pretended like I was having a great time and had suddenly gone deaf in my left ear.

I assured my co-workers that I was not bothered at all by JAW. “I just have to work with him. I don’t have to marry him.” He seems to have more than his fair share of “office wives” anyway – evidently he what some people call that “bad boy” charm, which I’ve never found charming. So, I figured I’d just leave him alone, and I did.

The active dislike came when I happened to have to come back from my desk for something after I’d at first left for lunch. He had “the popular kids” all gathered around the desk of another trainee who wasn’t exactly warm to me, and I could see, out of the corner of my eye, that he was doing a physical impersonation. It was a good one – so good it was unmistakable. It was of me – of my limp, which had been very bad in the days leading up to his performance.

I know that if you have a physical imperfection in our society, you’re supposed to shrug it off, be thick skinned about it, let people call you “Gimpy” to your face and laugh with them. I know I’m supposed to take the moral high ground and say either that somebody like that is acting out of his own fear that he could become disabled or has a pitiful desire to be liked at any cost….but, this time, I don’t buy it. In fact, I’m thinking of the sage advice of my 8 year old niece who has learned early what it took me years to get “Some people are just plain mean.”

It was instructive, too, to notice the looks on the face of my various co-workers. Not surprising, or particularly enlightening, but good to bear in mind. Only a few of them, on the fringes saw me and turned a little red. I went back to my desk and got my paperback as if I had no idea what was going on.

Now, having been soundly ignored for a good six months, this guy stares at me. I sometimes sit in the lunchroom near where he sits with his crew. I eat my lunch and work the crossword puzzle, and every time I look up, he’s looking right at me. What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen anybody do a crossword puzzle before? I’ve almost said. But I don’t. I just keep on being.

Pretty soon I’ll have to work with him directly. In fact, I’ll have to report to him, in a manner of speaking. I think he has the idea that it might be better to play it straight with me…because the only comments of his I answer are those that are polite and addressed to me specifically. I think we’ll be all right and I’ll get through it without incident.

Still, there’s a big part of me that wishes I could have told him to take his birthday cake and stick it where the sun don’t shine.