Okay, everybody, it's time to get serious! ( as if!) We have an election coming up and all we have are people talking about issues that are not important to the average American. We have candidates talking about their service records or lack of them, they're talking about deficet, they're talking about tax reform....But I want to hear somebody address a really meaty issue that effects me every day. Not only does it effect me, it effects everybody in every household that I am aware of, and is a problem that crosses all racial, ethnic, and socio-economic classes. And that issue is:

WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THE LIDS TO THE TUPPERWARE CONTAINERS?!?!

I'm telling you, people, that all across this great land of ours, thousands of hours of productivity are lost, people are late for work, whole lunches are abandoned on top of formica counters everywhere since nobody can ever find a lid for those little plastic food storage containers. Tupperware, Rubbermade, GladWare - it makes no difference what their party affiliation is - these types of lids are unreliable! They skulk off....the run away with the spoons and go live with the socks that no one ever sees again once they get into the dryer. I mean, if we can put man on the moon why can't we come up with a system to keep these daggone lids with the containers they belong on?

Furthermore, I want to know who to blame for this crisis. Is it society's fault? Have lax morals and easy divorce laws lead to casual seperations of containers and lids that have an untold impact on young children who then cannot have ranch dressing to dip their carrots into with their lunch? Or, does the fault lay at the feet of corporations? Is it some kind of corporate greed that influences the designers of kitchen cabinets to buid drawers in such a way that the containers only fit in one and the lids only fit in the other? Or maybe it's a conspiracy by a foriegn power....a more subtle, yet equally diabolical scheme dreamed up by America's enemies. How, after all, can we defend freedom when we're all running around our kitchens looking for a lid for the potato ( with no "e") salad? Worse, it leads to a divided America...tension between those classes of people who really have to desperately search for those lids and keep the left overs, and those who have the economic means to give up after a few minutes, say "ah, screw it" and throw the whole thing out. Or, is it possibly a gender related issue? The Hub, for instance, left a whole container full of tuna salad in the refigerator of his previous employer, and I strongly suspect, knowing them as I do, that it's still there. Food storage containers just don't MEAN the same things to men as they do to women, until, of course, they can't find a lid for their cheezy nacho dip.

And what are our leaders DOING about this crisis? They seem to barely acknowlege that it exists. Do we not have any one with the vision, the bravery, the intestinal fortitude to try to pass an act of congress so that each container comes with TWO LIDS? Alas, they're all politicians. There's no real leadership anymore. I suspect that the powers that be, Democrat and Republican alike, want me, the American voter to be too distracted by the fact that I have cucumber salad leaking all over my refrigerator, due to a bad seal with tin foil, to really evaluate the comments John Kerry made when he was 25 on the Viet Nam war. And nevermind the war in Iraq, I'm fighting the war against salmonella, and possibly botulism, every time I try to pack The Hub something to eat for lunch.

Will no one strike a blow for freedom? I know I can't...I'm too tied up looking under the car seats for stray lids.