On Saturday The Hub and I finally rented the remake of King Kong that came out last year. I think it was last year. Good heavens, that was a long movie! I mean, I'm all for character development and stuff, but by the time we were half way through the voyage to Skull Island even I was like, "Oh, for crying out loud, lets get to the ape!"

Part of the problem on my part was that I was getting really creeped out by the character of Carl Denham as played by Jack Black. He reminded me so much both in appearance and action of an old boss I once had - it brought back a flood of unpleasant memories. An over-the-top self promoter like that is entertaining as a film archetype, but a real nightmare as an employer, and I spent a significant portion of the film hoping that Kong would eventually stomp on him. Of course, nothing really bad ever happens to the Denham's of the world....they just go through people like the characters who died in the Kong remake. Or, as my old boss used to cheerfully say, "I'll never have a heart attack. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier".....

Anyway, just like the luckless-in-love Kong in the movie, scientists are now learning that apes can make plans. I'm pretty sure that's something that people who live close to apes have known for a long time. I remember hearing that it was a common saying among some tribes in Africa that apes were smart: they didn't speak so that men couldn't make them work.

My favorite Far Side cartoon is the one where a dinosaur, I think he was a stegosaurus, is standing up in front of a lectern addressing a group of other dinosaurs, "The picture is pretty bleak, gentlemen" he says, "the world's climates are changing, the mammals are taking over, and we all have the brain about the size of a walnut." Maybe the apes said something similar to one another as they observed some family members walk upright, wondering what that was all about. Was it a trend of just a flash in the pan? Rock-n-Roll or just The Twist?

I can hear it now - chatter in the tree tops. Ape politicians making the case for and against going bipedal and working on language skills....in processes not very much different from what we have in the house and senate today.

If apes can plan, and they had an ounce of common sense, I don't blame them for staying in the trees. "Sure" the conservatives would say ( and in this case, they'd be right) "it looks good, get up on two feet, develop a larger brain. You'd think that would solve a lot of problems. Sure they've got better co-operation and are having an easier time getting food right now. But think about where that might lead. I mean, look what they're eating. They've taken to eating meat, for goodness sake, instead of just sticking with the nuts, seeds, and fruits the creator gave us. I know, I know, some kids run around and get a marmot from time to time, but it's not a regular thing. They've gotta develop new tools to tear it off the bone - yuck! I mean, I wouldn't let someone like that marry into MY family. Talk about nature red in tooth and claw! Next thing you know, they'll develop farming, making friends with dumber animals just to kill them later, and from there the industrial revolution and sausage! You don't even want to think about that. And we're not even taking into account what happens when they run out of savanna to develop. Before you know it you'll have slavery, or, even worse, corporations! Why get involved? Who wants to bother? Life is good. We've got trees, we've got fruit, we've got birds to hang out with and land animals to tease by dropping nuts on their head. Who needs reality TV when you can get a whole heard of rhinoceri going? Maybe those other hominids WILL one day figure out why the sky is blue, but will that make it easier for them to enjoy? Or will they even see it, tromping around, as they will, having developed civilization and systems of writing so they can get in arguments without even looking at each other?"

Of course, I'm not denying the case for progress. After all, I'm writing this on the internet, eating a pear that was grown God knows how far from here, wearing clothing originally made over seas of water I've never seen.

But, I'll tell you what. The apes would never let somebody like Carl Denham keep on keeping on, making everybody else's life miserable. It's one thing to get eaten by an alligator, but at least it's quick. Not like a stress related illness that kills you a little bit, day by wearying day.