Yesterday, while I was on my dinner hour walk, I noticed a whole bunch of little caterpillars out on the sidewalk. They were of a type I had seen before - they have a little green "racing stripe". In fact, when I was a kid I was very fond of picking them up just for the sensation of having them crawl on my arms and hands. We'd put them in little Nescafe jars and punch air holes in the top, my brother and I, and watch for signs of them making a cocoon. After about a day, I'd get to feeling sorry for them and let them out. I suppose, on some level, I knew that the grass we tore up and threw in there wasn't really going to sustain them, and I was way too overwhelmed by Catholic guilt to have the death of something - especially such a deep Christian symbol as a caterpillar- on my conscience.

Of course, the other kids in my neighborhood, The Land That Time Forgot, used to do the same thing, only they'd spray Raid in the air holes to "see what happened". I don't know, maybe they were studying to be Nazis ( or at least, white supremacists) when they grew up. So, if they spent the night in a jar on my dresser, at least they lived to fight another day.

Yes, it was a very weird neighborhood.

But, I digress.....

I think at one time I must have known the name of this type of caterpillar and probably what type of moth it turns into. I am almost certain they turn into moths. But I can't remember. Still, it was kind of like seeing a bunch of old friends, albeit, not the sort you can chat with.

I was very careful not to step on them, and this required some effort because there were quite a few of them milling around on the sidewalk. I wondered what they were doing. When I first passed them, I thought they were just trying to avoid flock of starlings which seemed to have landed nearby. But, when I passed them again on my way back, they all seemed to be headed in the same direction. They were all going up the hill.

When we got a downpour at the office late last night, it dawned on me that they'd probably been heading for higher ground. Still, at the time, they looked for all the world like they were heading for the bus stop up the street. It took absolutely no effort at all to imagine them, maybe with little caterpillar briefcases, heading home from - what? A hard day of munching grass, ready to launch themselves onto the underside of the Number 20 bus, stop off for a drink at a little caterpillar tavern, or sports bar.....do you suppose caterpillars would go in for a wine bar?

These are the things I spend my time thinking about on my walks, instead of praying, the way I ought to. Of course, I DID pray that other people would notice the caterpillars and not smush them, but, somehow that seems less worthy than praying for political prisoners.

I maybe ought to mention here that the very last time I went to confession as a practicing Catholic, the priest could not think of a penance for me, and instead extracted a promise that I would "lighten up". I suspect that may be the only time that ever happened in a confessional, except to someone like Ignatius Loyola. He suffered from obsessive compulsive disorder: but, you see, he got a great deal more accomplished than caterpillar prayers, what with founding the Jesuits and all.

On the other hand, there is a school of thought which holds that those guys, the Jesuits, did more harm than good. But, either way, they were at least highly organized.

Right now, I don't seem to be too organized. At least, I'm not organized enough to both eat a meal and take my walk on my dinner hour ( the boss doesn't mind me writing my blog when it's not busy, as long as I leave off when the phone rings). I'm not even organized enough to pack my dinner. Okay. That's not, strictly speaking, true. The truth is that, since my budget is so tight and I am also trying to lose weight, I'm trying to skip a meal. Sometimes, this actually works. If I walk fast enough, when I get back to the office, I am no longer hungry and can get by on tea and water for the rest of the night.

However, more and more often, it is not working, and then I eat Stuff Out of My Desk Drawer in between calls. It's not fattening stuff. A piece of fruit, a granola bar, a handful of triscuits, a single serving of unsweetened apple sauce. But I think this way of eating is what is leading me to have really weird cravings - I MUST HAVE RAW SPINACH RIGHT NOW! - which makes my life more complicated than it should be.

Ah, the hell with it. Maybe this evening I'll just go out back and sit down in the grass and see what's going on in the world beneath our feet, just like I used to do when I was a kid.