Sit down. There's a lot I haven't told you.

You may have guessed at it by now....you may have read what wasn't here. Any news about my health. Any news about my business. Any news about my plans.

Well, here come the words, made real in black and white: All Around the House is closing down the house. Defunct. No more. "Gone like the sand and the foam" (Dan Fogleberg)

Of course, I could be sad....

I'm not saying I haven't BEEN sad. Heck, I've gone back and forth between being sad and being in denial. And I'm a world champion at denial. I told myself in the 4th grade that there was no reason to be upset because a nun kicked me in the back because it didn't really happen.....and then I went on to believe it for almost 20 more years.

So, I can really do it. I can tell myself that something "hurts but not that bad" and it won't. I can tell myself it's cold but I'm warm enough. Okay, maybe in this country when I do that it's called "poor mental health," but when Holy Men do it it's called "Transcendence". And whatever you want to call it, I believe that it's largely what got me off my walker and then off of my cane after a series of debilitating falls some years ago.

Maybe I have lacked faith. There are people who "rise and walk" with backs worse than mine - and cases of spontaneous remission of illnesses among believers and non-believers alike. Maybe I should have kept on keeping on....falling and getting back up, climbing up grocery carts and shelves and making use of the dog's broad back as he stands patiently and steadily in front of me every time I keel over.

But, I also believe that God created the physical world and all things follow according to his will. Any created thing is subject to damage, even to being destroyed. And my back is damaged. In layman's terms there's a bus load of inflammation in a small space with nowhere to go. Nobody knows what's causing it, but there isn't any question about the narrowing of my spinal colomn. There isn't any question that there's about 3 inches of height tied up in my lower back -the curvature is that bad. And there's no debate that my spine is not only curved now, but beginning to twist in the way a cork screw twists.

Thus, my lower legs and feet are often numb, and more and more often heavy items slide right through my hands as my nerves aren't sending the right signals about how hard I am grasping. Doctors tried to fix all of this when I was a kid....but they're only doctors. The only one who "did" medicine was Jesus, everybody else is just "practicing". It didn't work. That's why they call it the "art of medicine" not "the mechanics of medicine" The chiropractor can help - does help hugely. He can make things a lot easier for me....but since no one knows where the infamation comes from, what causes it, or when it might go away there are times, like now, when the only responsible thing to do is carry my cane. I can't lift what I can't hold. Laundry baskets, grocery bags, cleaning items....all have gone fallen and tumbling making a terrible mess.

And I'm tired. This Winged Creature is no spring chicken any more.

So, now I have a job-in-a-box again. This doesn't look like too bad of a box....for a box. And I'll write more about it later....it looks like there should be pleanty of good stories for the blog in this place!

There IS another way of looking at my failed business venture, besides as just a failure. It was, really, a gift. I had a year of following my heart, my dream. Some people never get one day of that. Through AATH, I met all kinds of wonderful people whom I was honored to serve. I would never have had those relationships if I hadn't done the business. I can say that I have tried self employment. I didn't just sit around and wonder "what if, what if". Sure, I'd have like to have had it come out differently. But I was blessed that it came out at all. It was a great time and I'll have the memories as long as I have my faculties!

So, I've hung up my blue apron and tomorrow I'll take the signs off of the car. I've spoken to my clients: they've all been very nice about it.

And, tomorrow is another day.