Things aren't looking too bad today. Maybe I'm getting over the shock of being "let go", even though I could see it coming. Looking back on it, I really think that the most serious problem I had at that company was letting it be known that I thought some of what they were asking for was absurd. I feel was not done in so much by my learning disability, which I might have dealt with differently if I hadn't already hated the job so much, but by the "two cupcake" episode.

Pardon me if I'm repeating myself. Dear old blog-city was down for so long during the time when all of this was going on that I can't remember what facts made it into this report of my "semi-charmed kind of life". The Sarge, at one point, took some vacation time, and when she came back, she asked me if it was true that I had gone into the break room and eaten two cupcakes when it wasn't my break. She said, "someone" told her I had. I answered with a smile, "Did they tell you I threw the icing away so I didn't break my diet?". It wasn't so much that there was a "spy" in the office that freaked me out. It was that this person, whoever it was, even counted the cupcakes. I knew I was in serious jeporday of losing my job. I knew the thing to do was to look serious and either deny it, or bluster and freak out and demand to confront my accuser. But I couldn't help it. I thought it was funny. I couldn't keep from smiling.

Nobody likes to have their reality messed with. To the people at that job that IS the world. For me to come in and treat it like it was absurd was much more subversive and frightening than any other mistake I made. For The Sarge to have seen the craziness there, she would have had to have seen the craziness everywhere, and then how could she continue to manage? How, indeed could she continue to show up in the morning?

The person I really wonder about - and amazingly, I find myself wondering about this without malice - is the "spy". I'd really like to talk to that person and find out more about their world view. Was this person really offended? Did they really view it as me "stealing time" from the company and find that as morally wrong as if I had just wandered off the premises for a few hours or taken cash out of the coffee fund? I understand that there are people in the world for whom the fact that I routinely started work 5 or 10 minutes early would hold no water: they want everybody to play by the same rules all the time. But it's the mechanics of it that interest me. What would you say? "Sarge, this is really troubling me and I can't hold it in any longer! Lynn took 2 cupcakes when it wasn't her break! Agh! Thank God I can sleep now!!" When would be the appropriate time to bring this up? Would the person just sidle up to The Sarge's desk in the morning and speak in a low voice? Would this be one of those "secret meeting in the bathroom" type of things? Maybe they sent an e-mail. What would they put in the subject line? "Cupcakes"? "Slacker"? "Top Secret"? Moreover, did they plan what they would have said if The Sarge had said back to them, "Do you have so little to do that you have time to track other people's movements?" Clearly, I guess, they knew the corporate culture there so well that they knew that wouldn't happen.

Of course, I admit that I don't think it's likely that the "spy" was really offended. I think it's likely that she didn't like me/ didn't want me to work there/ didn't think I ought to be working there and / or was looking for some way to make herself look better. But I can't imagine a person telling themselves this. Getting up, saying to their dog, "Gee, I think I'll go in and stomp on my co-worker's reputation so I look good to the boss." She must tell herself something, and that's what interests me.

I wonder if she got a little reward, sort of like the one that's out for Osama? A grave nod, a sincere thanks? A cupcake WITH the frosting on top?