Well, I did get paid without any quibbling or difficulty from my 5 day a week job. They asked how I liked it so far and I took the opportunity to address a few of the things that had been on my mind. I felt like this was important because you really want to be in totally good faith and on the best possible terms with people if you are working so very closely with them.

I feel that I communicated to the husband, Sir Salesman, that it would be a poor idea to confuse kindness with weakness in my case. His wife, Island Girl, was able to be a little more clear with me about how things are where she is from. For instance, she had an aunt whom she loved and respected who served ....

in her home when she was a child. The fact that the woman was employed in her home did nothing to compromise either her love or respect. And about their former housekeeper she said, "It was time for her to go home. She did not realize, before she came here, how isolated this area is, and I don't think she was used to it. She did not drive, you know? She was dependant upon people from her church or my husband if she wanted to go out. If you feel trapped in any situation then it cannot be good for you. I actually feel much more comfortable with you with your background....you seem very open to me. Actually, I feel like I have known you for a lot longer time so maybe I am forgetting the ways in which this may be different from work you have done before."

So I felt like things were okay. I even explained to them a little bit about how I felt about "The Land That Time Forgot" and how I have such bad memories of growing up there, and they were both very receptive to that, ("Oh, okay, now I know why you seem a little nervous when you first come in and then you seem fine.") They said they were very aware of the isolation and the ways in which they place is subtly different but they had never heard anybody put it into words before and even seemed relieved to talk about it a little bit.

Since I got paid, on the way up to Mrs. C.B.'s to water the plants and pick up her mail, I stopped and bought a lottery ticket. There were signs everywhere that the jackpot is up to some crazy amount of money....I can't even remember. But, you almost feel like you have to buy a ticket just to be part of the excitement.

I did win money in the state lottery one time 10 years ago - $1300. I remember at the time I realized I had 5 of the 6 winning numbers I had an overwhelming reaction of fear, because I didn't have any idea how much money I had won. If 22 other people in the state had not chosen the same numbers it could have been a lot more. No one was home but my dog, Patrick, the greyhound and so I kept saying to him "Oh God Patrick! I think we've won some money, but I hope it's not enough to mess up our lives, because, lets face it, our lives are kind of messed up already and the last thing we need is a whole bunch of money landing on us making everything even more crazy! Oh, Patrick, what do you think I ought to do? Who should I tell or call?" And Patrick just lay there on the floor looking up at me with his paws crossed in front and I could see him trying to figure out "Does this mean MORE dog biscuits? But, you smell stressed so...maybe if I come over and put my head in your lap it will help." So he did.

Anyway, it was enough to get me out of my little Geo Metro which The Hub said was like me riding on Rt. 95 on a lawn tractor and into a much safer car. It was a good thing, but lightening certainly doesn't strike the same place twice, so me buying a lotto ticket is basically spending a dollar to dream and a tax of the willing.

The dreaming is the fun of buying the lottery ticket of course. No one I know really expects to win. The Hub would buy a ticket each week if the guilt of throwing money away didn't bother him so badly. He builds whole houses in his head every time I come home with a ticket ( why he thinks I'm the Moral Force of the household who determines when it's okay to waste a dollar is anybody's guess) and he has built some beautiful houses with fabulous views in his imagination over the 9 years we've been together not winning the lottery.

So, I got back in the car with my ticket and looked at my numbers ( which I always let the machine pick) to see if they looked lucky to me ( they never do) and start my little dream "What would I do if I won the lottery?"

Well, I could quit my job.....but why would I quit my job? Wait a minute, I wouldn't even THINK of quitting my job, though it would be nice to not have to worry how much money I was making, but - Hey, wait a minute. I wouldn't quit my job. I have a job I wouldn't quit! Not for any amount of money! Not for more money than I can imagine!!

And then I realized: it's like I really DID win the lottery....only better! After all of the years of agonizing over what I should do with my life, how to serve God, what did He want me to do, what was my sacred calling? All the years of trying various kinds of work, my prayers, to which the only answer I ever felt I heard was "Stay on the path." ( What path? I can't even see a path?!) I HAVE A JOB I LOVE. And it serves people, and I think the Lord approves of it! I'm there! I've made it! I'm a success!!!! Me, the mess, the person who sometimes can't find her car keys and is mostly in the wrong lane! I figured something out, was able to do something right.

Now all I have to do is make the money part work out for me. But, who knows? Maybe that ticket is lucky!