I forced myself, yesterday, to buckle down and get some resumes out via Monster. I tried not to apply for anything that looked too overtly scary ("Be the voice of Citibank!" Ya know, if the good Lord had wanted us to spend our lives in cubes he would have given us square rear ends) or stuff I could do before but can't do now ("Must be able to lift 40 pounds" - note to any other job seekers: they don't mean every once in awhile. They mean THAT'S the job)

Anyway, I did hear back from a company in Lutherville who wants someone to do scheduling for their home health aides....

I thought that might be a good job for me since it's fairly close, it's sitting down, I'd talk to lots of people and be helping them out. They sent me a link to their website and asked me to take a "five minute general knowlege test", which turned out to be all word problems. Even if my ever slow dial up connection HAD allowed me to send back the answers in a timely way (it didn't) it would have taken me approximately 10 years to figure out the answers. Or maybe I was just frustrated. In fact, I know I was frustrated, with the computer, with Monster, with the whole modern job search thing where nobody wants to talk to anybody unless they're somehow convinced they are the perfect candidate for the job, even knowing that 40% of people lie outright on their resume (I just can't bring myself to do it. And besides, if anyone would READ it they'd see that I have some accomplishments under my belt)

So this is what I wrote back, "Thanks for the link. I tried to take the test but I think it may not be designed for dial up: my computer was still sending my answers as the clock was ticking.

As a mature college graduate downgrading from a professional position, I was really hoping not to run into too much of this kind of thing in my job search. Of course, I understand the hiring manager's point of view: one must have some way of measuring an applicant's problem solving skills.

By the way, your ad on Monster shows "ME" as the abbreviation for Maryland in your address. As you know, "ME" is the abbreviation for Maine: "MD" is Marylands. Just thought you'd like to know."

This is as close as I come to telling someone to kiss off. If you read between the lines what that says is "Look, you stupid schmoo, don't give me your silly little test if you're the office manager and don't even know what state you're in. You just lost a more than qualified candidate. SEE YA!"

I saw there was another e-mail from her and I couldn't imagine what it would say. "Kiss my shiny metal ass"? So I opened it.

It says she thinks the test is really stupid, she's sorry about that, thanks for the heads up on the ad and would I please send my resume right away?

People are crazy.