This just in: Avon deoderant WORKS!

I just came back from door to door canvassing. Four miles in two hours. Homes, businesses, people out walking their dogs.....and it's about 80 degrees here today. Daytime canvassing is really rough, too. Receptionists can be nasty in offices: after all, everybody dumps on them and they don't have any outlet except for vendors and sales reps. Moreover, I've got it coming since I once had a job where over half of the people who came in where trying to sell jewelry, magazines, roses, and an alarming amount of merchandize that "fell out of a truck". I was like a viper, really. "Are you functionally literate?" I'd ask, pointing to the sign on the door with 12 inch letters that said, "NO SOLICITING"

The truth of the matter was that probably only 20% of them knew what that meant, but a huge amount of the stuff they were selling was "hot", half of it had been stolen from warehouses right in that industrial complex!

It could be worse. At least I'm selling a legitmate product and I didn't steal it. I can see it from the office managers point of view too. Who wants to have your staff looking over an Avon catalog all day. So I always say, "Hi, would you like me to drop off a catalog for ya'll to look at on your lunch break?"

Daytime canvassing means meeting a lot of retirees, which means you have to be really careful how you look. Not only do I have to make sure that makeup isn't melting and my hair hasn't plastered itself to the top of my head but a decent blouse and a skirt are much more likely to result in a door opening than a tee shirt and jeans, or shorts ( which I actually never wear anyway on account of I have really ugly knees)...but that requires something besides tennis shoes. Luckily I have good sandles for walking.

Still, lots of seniors are suspicious of strangers. Young children have been told not to talk to strangers and they take it literally. If they are playing in a yard and you ask them a question, they won't say a word to you. When Mom comes to the door I always compliment them, "You did a good job teaching those kids not to talk to strangers. They didn't say a word to me! Would you like an Avon catalog?" The worst ones are the people with the big dogs.

It goes like this:

Big Dog:"Whoo! Woof! Woof! Woof! {Somebody's here! Somebody's here!}
Me: "Oh, hi big dog! You're a Big dog! Here you want to sniff me?" ( curled handback over the gate)
Big Dog: "Woof! Woof! Sniff,sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff" {Who are ya? Oh, ya got a dog at your house...and a cat...peanut butter toast for breakfast...don't smell afraid....don't smells supicious...}
Me: "You want to get scratched? Scratch you behind the ears?"
Big Dog: ( up on hind legs, front paws over fence tail wagging) "Woof?"{Ok, now where's that hand going?}
Me: (moving collar up to reach area dog can't scratch well and also scratching behind ears) "Awww. You're so cute. You're a good dog, aren't you?'
Big Dog: Thump, thump, thump of tail. "Sniff, sniff. Aro-ew. {Oh! That feels good! Oh, okay, dog person. Long fingernails. Mmmmmm.} Snort. Snuffle. (they stick their head into my shoulder bag to sniff my samples) Achoo!"
Homeowner: ( coming out to see why dog is no longer barking but door-to-door-sales type hasn't left yet) "Killer! What ARE you doing?! Get back here."
Me: "Would you like an Avon catalog?"
Killer: "thump, thump, thump. aro-ew...{get the other ear!} Leans in.
Homeowner: "A what? NO! Whatever you're selling I'm not interested. What the hell? Killer! Killer! Get BACK here."
Me: stopping petting dog "Okay, have a nice day."
Killer: "Whine!" {you're leavin' already? You just got here!}

I respect the "No Soliciting" signs. If one is up on a home or a business I don't knock, I don't even leave a brochure. But politeness adds miles and my town is hilly on foot. I did get an enthusiastic response at one office, ("Oh, great, we had an Avon lady here before but- well. Um. She died."). The pizza place and the coffee shop don't mind you leaving them since it gives customers something to look at while they're waiting for their food, and I handed one off to a woman in line at the coffee shop. I also had good luck in a realty office and some car repair places - "Something for your lady customers to look at while they're waiting for their car." I said.

Well, we'll see if any of that bears fruit. If not, at least Avon sells callous cream for feet!