Okay, lets see, where did we leave off?

Yesterday, I was explaining how Barbie, Ken and a Kleenex Box performed the story of St. Valentine as told by me as a 5th grader. Oh, and I did the voices of God and the Warden because I only had one Barbie and one Ken doll. Church leaders, folklorests and historians would be horrified, so if you're one of those - what the heck did you stop by HERE for anyway? Every body else: get ready! We're getting to the romantic part!

ACT 3 Scene 1.....

Valentine: ( inside his prison cell, a kleenex box, leaning out of the oval opening to hold the hand of The Warden's Daughter. He is wearing a kleenex loincloth and has another kleenex wrapped draped over his shoulders, "Thank you so much for sneaking this blanket out to me. It's been getting kind of chilly at night. It's a good thing we're in a Mediterranian climate where it only gets to be about 40 degrees in February. Otherwise I'd have frozen to death by now."

Warden's Daughter: "You don't have to thank me. Christians show one another their love. I have decided, after listening to everything that you've said about Jesus, that I want to become a Christian too!"

Valentine: "That makes me very happy, and also God. But are you sure? It's very dangerous and you may be persecuted."

WD "I am sure. You have shown me what true faith is and also what true love is."

Valentine "I'm so happy!" he leans further forward and kisses the Warden's Daughter on the forehead.

WD (loudly) "Valentine! Valentine! What is happening to me? I can see! I can see! My eyesight has been restored! It's a miracle! You have cured me!"

Valentine: "No my dear, your faith in Jesus has healed you. I was only his humble messenger."

WD. "Oh, Valentine! Do you know what this means? I can find my way into my father's secure office, steal the keys and free you. We can run away and get married and live happily ever after."

Valentine: " It means so much to me that you would do that. But you cannot. Christians do not steal."

WD "Of course, you are right. But, surely my father will free you now that, through Jesus, my eyesight has been restored."

Valentine ( turning away) "Don't put too much hope in men, my beloved. I heard the guards talking and they plan to execute me very soon. Maybe even today. Oh, how I wish I could kiss you on the lips!"

WD "You can kiss me on the lips"

Valentine: "No. I promised God I would only give you a chaste kiss upon the forehead."

WD " I'm sure God would understand. We are in love!"

God (breaking in) "There's nothing wrong with kissing. Besides, Valentine, you are not a saint yet!" ( in all my stories, God always had a sense of humor. If he doesn't in real life, I'm in a LOT of trouble)

Valentine and the Warden's Daughter kiss.

WD: "I am so happy to be able to see your face that I can barely turn away. Yet I must hurry to speak to my father so he can see that I can see and he will let you go!"

Valentine: " Okay, my beloved. Go! I hope I am here when you get back."

ACT 3 Scene 2

The Wardens Daughter is running toward the Kleenex box now turned on it's side in the "Warden's Office" position.
She is wearing a long toga made of Kleenex with a very full skirt.

WD. "Father, Father! A miracle has happened! I can see, and it's all because of Jesus and Valentine! He gave me a chaste kiss upon the forehead (even in 5th grade I had the heroine skip the kiss on the lips part!) and my vision is restored!

Warden (sorrowfully) "I know."

WD "How can you know? You have not come out of your secure office."

Warden " I know because one of the guards was outside of Valentine's cell. He stood behind a tree and heard and saw everything. I know that you are the one that snuck that blanket out of the house. I know that you are a Christian now."

WD "Father, you must set Valentine free! You can see that Christians are not evil and we are in love."

Warden "I agree that Christians are not evil, and I will not put you in jail even though it is illegal for you to be one. But it is not too late for you to fall in love again. After all, you have only ever seen Valentine. Maybe now you will see another man that you love. And since you can see you can marry someone rich and respected."

WD " I will only ever love Valentine. He is the true love of my life. Father, please free him! Please come out and talk to me!" The Warden's Daughter falls to her knees, ripping the inside of her kleenex skirt, but it stays on due to all of the layers.

Warden (very sorrowfully) "I do not dare to come out and look you in the eye. I cannot free Valentine. It is beyond my control."

WD "What are you talking about?"

Warden (with a catch in his voice) "I cannot free Valentine because he is already dead. As soon as the guard told me what happened, I told him to go back and kill Valentine. You must understand, I serve only the Law."

WD (falling all the way to the ground) "NO!"

Act 3 Scene 3

The Kleenex box is now turned so that the interior is visable. Light from a desk lamp is shining through the oval opening, into the interior of the cell, where all that is left of Valentine of his Kleenex blanket neatly folded on the ground with something bright red on top.

The Wardens Daughter enters the cell at a run, the skirt of her kleenex toga attractively ripped, to show that she ran so fast that she tore up her clothing.

WD "Valentine! Valentine! No! No! My Valentine"

She falls to her knees sobbing. After awhile she looks up and reaches for the bright red item on top of the folded kleenex blanket. She tilts her head to one side to indicate puzzlement ( remember Barbie doesn't exactly have a range of facial expressions) "What is this?"

She lifts the item, which is a piece of kleenex cut in the shape of a heart and quickly colored in with red marker.
"Because I could not see, I could not learn to read. Yet, by the same miracle which has restored my eyesight ( and by which the director, who at this point was thankful that we had supernatural element to work with could move the story to it's conclusion) I can read these words - his last words to me!" She sobs "It says 'Do not forget me! All my love, Your Valentine"

God: "Do not be afraid, Christian Daughter. Valentine did not suffer, and now he lives here in heaven with me, with Jesus and all the angels and saints. You will see him again too, when you die, but you still have work to do."

WD (standing) "I will make sure that the whole world knows about the power of Love. No one will ever forget Valentine!"

Curtain - Made of - you guessed it - the rest of the kleenex taped together.

Okay, it's not exactly a Battlestar Gallactica Episode. But I bet you couldn't really pull of Battlestar Gallactica with kleenex.