Every year, I guess what The Hub is getting me for my birthday. In fact, I do it most of the time at Christmas too. I don’t mean to do it. It’s one of the hazards of having an intuitive style of thinking.

When The Hub and I were first married, he was very confident of his ability to surprise me, and he used to encourage me to guess. “I’ll give you three clues” He’d say, magnanimously.

Knowing I wasn’t going to need three guesses, I’d always try to make the first one something stupid, so I’d say “Is it brown?”

After a couple of times of asking that, when he still thought my “guess” ability was a string of flukes, he used to pretend to be astonished by the question “How can you guess what something is just knowing if it’s brown or not?”

That was not, of course, the point, but it got to be a tradition. Over ten years of marriage the number of clues diminished. “You get one guess! And I refuse to say if it’s brown or not!” But then, he always would. Sometimes he’d even tell me the color, which lead to me guessing before I even got to ask a question.

Finally, lately he says, “I’m not answering a single question!”

“That’s okay. I’d rather be surprised.” I answer. I wait a minute and then say “Is it brown?”

For some reason, annoyed as he is, he can never resist answering whether the thing is brown or not. The Hub is scrupulously honest in every word he ever says. This year, after yelling that he wasn’t answering any questions and running into the bedroom least I glean any clue form his body language, he called out. “It may or may not be brown. It depends on which one I pick out”

“Ah, so you haven’t chosen it yet. Did you even think about what you were getting me?”
I was teasing him, but there have been times when he has forgotten my birthday. There was a little while there, when he thought “non-materialistic” meant “not giving a crap about special occasions”. It’s the Hub who honestly does not care if he gets a card on his birthday, and the day itself could pass unnoticed by him.

Although I learned in the third grade how important it is for a girl to never admit to expected the smallest expectation of the expense of time or money on her birthday, and made every effort to control my enthusiasm for pastel colored balloons and spectacular folding cards, I’m afraid I’ve never quite got over it. The truth is, I’m quite willing to be forgotten and forgettable every other day of the year, but when my birthday is overlooked, it breaks my heart. Though not as much as the “Oh S***!” run back from the store with a hasty cake, the generic card, and guilty look. That grinds my heart right under the heel of one’s shoe.

Luckily, The Hub is hip to this now.

“I have so thought about it! I’ve known what I was getting you for weeks. It’s just that I haven’t been down there to get it!”

“Hmm. So it’s not something available anywhere. It comes from a specific location.” I reflected.

“Aggh! I’m not saying another word! Yes, I am. It’s a vacuum cleaner bag! I’m getting you a vacuum cleaner bag for your birthday!”

“No you aren’t”

“How do you know?”

“Vacuum cleaner bags are all brown and you can get them anywhere.”

“Well…okay. You’re right.” He admitted and came out to sit on the sofa.

I thought about what he might be getting me, and nothing at all came to mind. Don’t think about it. Why do you do this to yourself? You ruin the surprise for yourself and ruin the fun for other people. Just forget about it. I told myself.

I went into the bathroom to wash my face. I set down the washcloth and the interior of the Coach Leather store we’d been in about 5 weeks ago came into my mind with such clarity I might as well have still been still standing there. I rushed out of the bathroom, “You don’t have to do that! It’s too expensive!”

“Do what?” he asked warily, but he knew, already that I had guessed.

“A coach bag! It’s too much!” I said.

He started laughing and groaning at the same time, “Ugh! How do you DO that? You do it every year! Ah – dammit!”

“I don’t mean to! I really didn’t mean to!” And, as ever, I really hadn’t meant to. But that’s how intuition works – it’s a jump in the person’s thinking.

Though, I was still surprised. Surprised he would want to get me something that costly, anyway, though I have admired Coach bags for twenty years. They’re one of those things I’d always tell myself I’d buy with a bonus or a save up of Christmas money or part of a tax return….someday.

I know that not everybody considers “name” handbags such a luxury. I work with women who have two or three in rotation. And, after all, if you have a handbag that carry every day of the year and it costs $365.00, it only costs a dollar a day to cart your stuff around with you in style. (The one I eventually got, he let me chose from among them myself on Saturday, was not that expensive). But, for me it was a very big deal, and I was so astonished to actually own the thing that I was a little afraid to take it out of it’s protective bag and USE it for fear of damaging it. After all, I’ve never had a handbag that had it’s own number before!

Anyway, I tell myself, it’s a classic and it’ll last a long time. I realized The Hub really was happy to give it to me. He kissed me right in the store in front of all those people ( Yes there was a LINE of people buying $300 handbags!!) and wished me a happy birthday.

Who could ask for anything more?