I went back to Dr. BackCracker again today. He seemed genuinely freaked out by how bad my balance was -but, amazingly, I had some improvement after my treatment today. Again, he did the whole "ball of wax", adjusting my neck, lower & mid back, wrists, fingers, elbows, and ankles. But when he finished I did the heel to toe thing without falling over. I woobled, but I didn't fall down.

"See! It isn't hopeless, this can be corrected. Now, you'll need to come in every day -"

"I can't afford to come every day." I said matter-of-factly

"Ugh-god. I hate this. This is the worst part of my profession. Tea, you really need this treatment! Didn't you tell me yourself that you fell three times at Christmastime?"

"It isn't that I don't understand the value or agree with you that the treatment will benefit me. I am convinced that a treatment plan with you will work. It isn't that I have the money but think it is better spent on something else. It's that I don't have it, and I am really not comfortable with a debt, even a debt of honor." ( he had mentioned a no interest payment plan earlier)

The result was that he cut his fees for me (!!!!) and we agreed that I would come, at first, three times a week. I really do beleive that this is my best hope of recovering my total health, and, as such, is worth the scrounging up of nickles and dimes to pay for it. Furthermore, the last person I would want to "put off" payment wise is the person who is doing me the most good. That's just not moral, especially since he cut his fee to what the co-payment was for many medical doctors when I had health insurance....

Still, this is really stretching the already fairly stretched budget. I really do believe that more work will come my way soon. But, in the meantime, what else might my gimlet eye of cheapness land on to cut out?

Hair coloring. Even at the top of my financial game, I never got my hair colored professionally. But even the inexpensive stuff from the market costs about $10 every six weeks. Hmmmm.

The question is - and I find this a very deep, troubling question - should I, can I let my hair go back to its natural color? No it isn't naturally green, it isnt even all that grey compared to most people my age. It's blonde. It's the shade of dark blonde with a few red highlights that gets very bleached from the sun in the summer.

Okay, all you guys are thinking, "what the hell is the problem? Either spend the 10 bucks or don't. Be blonde or red. Who cares?" Well, to women, a lot of their identity is tied up in their hair. When I dyed my hair red, or darkened the blonde so that the natural red became dominent, I was saying something about who I was - and other people got the message loud and clear.

The red hair implied either confidence or quick temper. People stopped coming up to me in shops and making bizarre requests of me, such as that I watch their children for them while they tried on clothes or that I run down to the food court to try to find their husband for them and tell him to come there. They still sized me up for requests to reach the top shelf and get down their favorite cereal, or help them find those little packets of yeast in the grocery store, but they usually only asked after I gave them the friendly I'm-willing-to-help-you smile. At work, people took me much more seriously and became much less inclined to start an argument with me because they were upset with somebody else. Also, since the red is not some total add in, many people assumed that the blonde had been a dye job and the red was the natural shade. "You look better since you quit dying your hair" some customers told me. You bet that confused me for a minute!

When the coloring would start to fade, as it is doing now, especially since I've been outside so much, I'd look at myself and think that I looked a little faded overall. Sort of "not there" as much.

Of course, now I don't have get contractors to pay attention to what I'm telling them so they don't install handmade tile the wrong way. I can, I think, afford to look a little more approachable in the lines of work I'm getting into. But do I want to go back to the whole blonde haired, blue eyed hassle of having strangers asking me to look after their yorkshire terrier, concealed in a gymn bag, while they go get something to drink in an airport? ( Yes, this happened. All of these things I'm mentioning are examples from my life, not my imagination. And let me tell you, I'm not really sure that Yorkie cared to be stuffed in that bag with that leotard and those grimey gymn socks!)

So, does this just sound like a bizarre problem? I mean, $10 bucks is $10 bucks, but possibley spending that every 6 weeks is worth it to my time and sanity. On the other hand, it will help pay Dr. BackCracker. Not falling over in public is also an important investment. Please, make comments, even if you are not a regular visitor to this site. Do you think I should "go natural"?