The Hub feels that, since I recently updated my "Infidelity Clause" to Mike Rowe, he needs to update his from Paula Zahn. To? Well, that's the problem. He doesn't know yet.

He can't think of anybody.

Now, I know I should be flattered that my husband cannot think of any other woman on the face of the earth (at least that he does not personally know) that he would like to commit an act of infidelity with....

However, I am fairly convininced that this is more due to lack of imagination on his part than it is attractiveness on my part. After all, I am now OVER 40 (my birthday is in a few weeks and I can't realistically claim to just "be 40" any more. Well, I could, but, you know I think I need to get used to the idea of the whole OVER 40 thing. Crud. So far - not used to it) and The Hub and I have been married for over 10 years.

So, the mystery is gone.

Actually, The Hub disputes that the mystery is gone. He claims that I am a deeply mysterious person. A lot of people say that, not just The Hub. I think it has to do with the fact that I almost always say exactly what I mean and that many other people are bullshitting and so when people meet me and I am not b.s. - ing them they don't understand what I am talking about. There was a time when The Hub seemed to understand this. Now, I think he is simply not paying attention.

Anyway.

So he is looking for a new fantasy fu- er, woman. He can't think of anybody. Not Catherine Zeta-Jones: she "just doesn't do it for him". Not any of his tabloid hottie favorites: Paris, Brittany, Lindsay and the rest are too young and "druggy" for him.

"What about Pamela Anderson?" I suggested.

"She's skanky" The Hub said.

"She's scary looking. Like Crypt Keeper scary" Theresa said. We were talking this over while eating dinner at Pizza Hut. (This is what I'm telling you. The poor Hub's fantasy life is so benign he feels totally comfortable talking about it with our female friends. I'm telling you, he's been working too hard!)

I admit that I was secretly relieved he finds Pamela Anderson skanky. Not that I feel, on any level that Pamela Anderson is someone that I should try to live UP to on any level. I mean, you could want to do the horizontal bop with somebody you thought was morally dispicable: that's the whole point of the Infidelity Clause - it's fantasy.

Maybe I should be scared that The Hub would only entertain a fantasy about someone who was what he considered the total package.

Oh, who am I kidding? He probably harbors dark, depraved desires about somebody who is totally beyond the pale to bring up....like, I don't know......Queen Elizabeth II or somebody.

The Hub is asking for suggestions.

So, to review: The object of the Infidelity Clause must be someone in the public eye, but not someone that he is ever likely to meet. She can be any age, though I suspect that anyone too young (i.e. it is remotely possible that he could be her father - The Hub is 46) would be met with disapproval. And, he states emphatically that they have to be female. And they have to be a real person, not a literary character.

Please let me know your suggestions and I'll be sure to pass them along.

Or you could just say who the object of your Infidelity Clause choice would be. Or whatever.

Because, if he doesn't come up with somebody soon, I think he'll start to feel bad. And he might not let me watch "Dirty Jobs" any more.