Today was dog day – the day I volunteer at the Humane Society in the morning.

This is what I learned today:

1. Dogs don’t care what you look like. Actually, I’ve always known this, but I decided to believe it today. I don’t usually wear shorts in public. I really have never liked the way my legs look above the knee and by now my entire figure is in the category of “I might still have it, but I’m pretty sure nobody wants to see it”. And, anyway, I only have one pair of shorts to begin with. But I did wear them because it was so darn hot! The offices of the Humane Society are air conditioned, but the kennels are not.

2. Corgis are really, really, really fast! Even if they are not 100% corgi – still fast. There is a corgi/basset hound mix there. He looks just like an extra long, extra tall corgi, with the triangular shaped ears and all. But we are still not talking about a really tall dog here. By contrast, I am really tall for a woman. This turned out to be an unfortunate match up as I opened the dog’s pen. I had the slip on leash all ready, but he ducked his head and ran! I had followed the rule about closing the door to the kennel room, which is important, because out in the hall the door to the supply loading area, and the whole wide world beyond, is left open all the time.

Unluckily, the door did not latch completely, and that little badger chaser hit it full force. He burst out into the hallway like a canine Flash Gordon, and there was no help in sight. By the grace of God, he headed up the hallway toward the cat area and the office beyond, instead of toward the supply door. I ran after him in hot pursuit. When he reached the end of the hallway, where there was another closed door, he turned around and barreled back toward me, but I was unable to change course quickly enough. Glimpsing the blue skies of freedom beyond me, he picked up even more speed, aiming squarely between my flailing legs.

I briefly considered trying to use the leash as a kind of lasso and try to snare him as he went through, but thankfully remembered in time that I have the hand / eye coordination of a houseplant, I discarded that idea. Yes, I know that houseplants have neither hands nor eyes – that is my point entirely. If there is some word for the opposite of “coordinated” than I am the walking definition of it.

Instead, the minute I felt fur contact on my inner ankles, I clamped my legs closed, securing him firmly between my calves. As I reached down, aiming to take hold of his tail, he began to wriggle out backwards. I more or less collapsed on top of the dog, catching myself with my left hand to avoid squashing him, and, by sheer happenstance, the dog’s head got stuck in the loop of the leash. I had just managed to return myself to the upright position when two shelter employees came into the hallway.

“How’s it going?”

“Oh, fine!” I answered breezily. Meanwhile the renegade corgi mix was sitting at my feet wagging his tail happily and looking up at me. His expression seemed to say, That was fun. Can we do that again?

3. Small amounts of dog hair are not harmful if ingested. However, they are not tasty. I found this out because my job today was to brush the dogs: they were shedding. No big surprise, it’s been over 90 degrees every day for a week in spite of all the rain. But because they can go into the outdoor areas of their kennels and it has rained so much, a lot of them had gotten wet with shedded hair all over them and they weren’t looking so great.

All of the dogs liked getting brushed – in fact, I’m always amazed by how really good the shelter dogs are. Well, except for Flash Corgi. But he wasn’t really bad, he was just being a dog. Many of them looked a lot better when they got done. But the result was a LOT of dog hair floating around in the “getting to know you” room, and since that door has to stay closed too, there was no way I was going to turn off the over head fan.

It wasn’t even like I got that much dog hair in my mouth doing the actual brushing. It was more during the clean up with the broom. Maybe if I hadn’t bent down so much it would have been better. But I was trying to do a good job. The idea is for the shelter staff to say “Oh, good, a volunteer!” not “Oh, God, not that volunteer!”

4. God must bless Humane Society employees with some special gift of “put togetherness” to make up for the difficulty of their jobs. I mean I’m sure it was 100 degrees in the “back” and none of those women had a hair out of place, their makeup looked like they had just put it on, and their clothing was practically spotless. On the other hand, when I went into the washroom at the end of my two hour dog brushing session, I looked like a mental patient. I mean, more so than usual. I my shirt was damp, I had somehow smeared something on my forehead, and so much fur was clinging to me that I looked like a yeti.

It was a lot of fun. I can’t wait to go back!