Okay! Today was the day! The day to report to my first day on Ultimately Sh**** Little Job.

"Hi, I'm Tea. I'm here for my first day of work."

"Okay, here's your orange apron and your name tag"
(Oooh, now there's an attractive color!) "You're supposed to wear a white shirt."

"Okay."

"Did anybody go over your hours?"

"Extensively."

"You're working tomorrow 12-5"

"No. Those are the hours I can't work."

"That's what the shift is."

(Silence. More silence)

"I told Hiring Guy yesterday, during the interview, and on the application itself that I can't work those hours. I wrote down my availability 3 times. I can't work those hours."....

"That's what the shift is. That's what it says here on the schedule."

I can see that the same level of patience is called for in this situation as when Mr. C.B. is a little confused.

"You're right. I can see it says that. But I wrote on the application, which I know you had to send to corporate, told Hiring-Guy, wrote down for Hiring Guy again...now this is the 4th time I'm telling somebody: I can't work those hours. I have another job. Just like you expect me to show up for this one, they expect me to show up for that one."

"Oh, you have another job!" This seems to create a lightbulb effect. Meanwhile the co-manager of the store comes running up to the counter in desperate need of at least a band-aid, if not a paramedic. Blood everywhere. He's cut himself with a (presumabley regulation) box cutter. Chaos ensues. So much for injury free days! Nobody's going to talk to him about a scheduling problem.

I punch in and start training. It's exactly like working at the market in Harford County only with a better scanner and different codes. I'm not supposed to be allowed to handle cash on my first day, but Training Dude quickly overlooks this rule. He yells out produce codes and bags. When the scanner beeps because I hit the wrong button he tells me how to undo it. Training Dude tells me that the store manager is "a Nazi" and to watch out for the Schedule Thumper. The ST comes by and tells me to see the Bloody Co-Manager on my break.

I go see The Bloody Co, who has managed to wrestle his mangled finger into a bandage. He still looks rather grey around the gills.

"Look, we might have had a communication problem. I need availability. We're not prepared to work around another job."

"Okay, that's fine. I have another job, and I'm not going to give it up to work here."

"Okay, that's fine?" he says faintly.

"It's no big deal. I'm sorry Hiring Guy didn't get what I was saying, but the poor man has only been here a week. It's too bad, because I really like working in a grocery. But, I only came up here on a whim to see if you guys were hiring for nights. If you had evening and night hours, great. If not, oh well. That was the first thing I said to Hiring Guy, but he told me he couldn't gaurentee me all nights."

"Right. Nights and weekends are the time I need availablity. I can't schedule some senior person to work nights and have you on days."

?!?!?!

"I understand completely. I'm not available on Saturday. I have a standing commitment with a good client ( the tile shop). I'm not going to give that up."

"You're not going to give that up?"

"No. Look, I like this kind of work, but this is a part-time job paying almost minimum wage. There's no way I'm going to throw over clients I have in a business I'm trying to develop to work here."

"But, can you work nights?"

"Yes, I can work any night up until you close."

"Oh. You can work weekend nights?"

Sister Mary Francis in a sidecar! Am I speaking English?! Any minute now, I'm expecting to see Alice running by carrying a flamingo as a croquet mallet. Jeepers Effing Crow!!!

"Yes" I say, firmly, and politely, the way I've been talking all along.

"Oh. Well, why didn't we just put you on an all after 5:00 shifts?"

"Um." ( It's a mystery?) "That would be ideal."

"Oh, great, okay, that's what we'll do."

"Okay, then, fine."

I go back to work. Training Dude wanders off somewhere. I hear the floor super asking him half kidding/ half serious, why he's not stuck to me like glue. "This training is sweet. That girl's like, already self trainin' herself. She's smart: she's got another job. It's like a business."

"Okay. That's cool."

And it is cool. Just one customer after the other, hi, how-ya-doin', here's your stuff, there's your eggs, see ya later, etc. No big decisions. No crisis. No gossip.

"Hey, Tea, ya ready to go home?"

"It's time to go home already?"

"Whoa. You can stay if ya want, but that would be, like, crazy."

But, it's a happy kind of insanity.